When you’re poor in more ways than one.

Admitting that BuzzFeed takes up at least an hour of my life everyday, I thought I’d make my own. Inspired, or uninspired, by the lack of money in my bank accounts, this one goes out to everybody that sucks at managing their money.

1. YAY – pay day! Been waiting for you for a while.
2. Ok, this month – it’s going to be different. I’m going to budget.
3. How does a budget even work?
4. Monthly pay needs to be made illegal.
5. Wait, why isn’t it illegal? Like, how are they allowed to store up your money for an entire month?
6. Ok, I’m going to put $1,000 in to my saving account. The rest will be split in to 4 weeks. Sounds logical.
7. Great – I’m giving myself an allowance. I feel like I’m 12 again.
8. If I was to save $1,000 every month for 12 months, I’d like have $12,000. Woah!
9. Why haven’t I been doing that?
10. I could have a deposit on a house by now – or something.
11. How do you even get a deposit on a house?
12. The weekend is nearing. Gotta stick to this budget.
13. Ok so I managed to spend this week and next weeks allowance in one night.
14. Who did I think I was last night? Bill Gates?
15. How do you even get as much money as Bill Gates? I mean, obviously he’s pretty smart but how is a person worth so much??
16. I need to reassess my budget.
17. The verdict is in: I can’t afford anything this week.
18. Ok, well I kind of need petrol……and pay my phone bill……and eat.
19. How did I go over my phone cap again?? I only use it 24/7.
20. Well, better pay that. Don’t want to get cut off….again.
21. Oh, look at that. Someone on my Facebook just bought a house. And another 37 friends are overseas. Good on them.
22. Perhaps I’ll look at getting a second job?
23. No, a second job will totally get in the way of my social life.
24. I’ll just need to transfer another $200 from my savings to get me through this second week. But that’s it. No more transferring after this.
25. Wait, WHAT? Priceline is having 30% off make up? It would be illegal if I didn’t go.
26. That’s an excellent idea, I’ll pay for all this shopping using my credit card.
27. I’m too scared to look at my credit card balance.
28. I feel as though they should teach you basic money management at school.
29. Hang on, is that accounting? Accounting sounds boring. I probably wouldn’t have elected to do that at school.
30. Ok, week 3. I’m going to be responsible!
31. I’ll bring my lunch to work everyday this week.
32. Lunch time, “do I really want to eat last nights leftovers? Nah, I’ll just get some sushi. That’s pretty cheap.”
33. Whoops, I ordered $18 worth of Japanese food. However, I will enjoy every dollar of this deliciousness.
34. How come I keep getting bills? I swear the prices are going up too. Mum keeps saying that this is what an adult is about. Adulthood sounds scary.
35. OF COURSE I GET 2 PARKING FINES IN ONE WEEKEND. I WOULD LOVE TO DONATE $144 TO COUNCILS. I CAN’T THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO SPEND MY MONEY.
36. Transfer another $350 from my savings.
37. I hate myself.
38. Ohhh I just saw a super cute dress online. I’ll buy it! Let’s face it, I’ve gone over my budget anyway.
39. I should not have bought that dress.
40. Quick, transfer another $250 while I’m feeling so guilty.
41. Wait, so, if I’ve been working since I was 14……shouldn’t I have more money than this?
42. Oh Lordy, don’t, I repeat DON’T look at the net sum on your payslip!
43. I’m pretty sure a friend owes me like $16…..hmmm how do I bring that up?
44. Sometimes I wonder if I should just withdraw all my money when I get paid and throw it off a bridge.
45. Look, it’s not that bad. I’ve got 1.5 weeks before my next pay day. I can do this.
46. I won’t go out this weekend.
47. I went out.
48. I have a serious case of FOMO.
49. My friends are going away for the long weekend. I could totally scrounge up some money to go with them. It won’t be that expensive.
50. Why is accommodation so expensive?? Maybe I just won’t sleep and therefore won’t need a hotel room. Sounds like a good idea.
51. Hmmmm how can I save money so I can go away…
52. I could definitely save a few dollars if  I didn’t buy coffee twice a day.
53. Ok, that’s not going to happen. Instead, I could buy coffee from 7/11 for only a $1. Deal!
54. Yuck, that’s not going to work out either.
55. Ok I’ll try that with water instead. I could easily save some money by not buying bottles of water.
56. I don’t have a drink bottle. Better buy one.
57. I need to buy petrol. I can’t deny this.
58. Can someone please explain to me why petrol is so expensive?
59. And also, why my car needs so much of it.
60. PAYMENT DECLINED.
61. “Hey dad, I’m at the petrol station and there’s not enough money in my account. My online banking app is down. Can you please pay over the phone? I’ll pay you back”
62. Online banking app is working again. Check balance. So strange my card got declined? I mean, I had a total of $12.08 in my account…….
63. I NEED TO TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK IN THE MIRROR IMMEDIATELY.
64. I’ll drive to work tomorrow. I can save myself some money not using public transport.
65. BEEP BEEP BEEP – oh awesome! I have no money in my toll-roads account. Looks like I’ll be taking the long way home.
66. Right, so, I have a less than a week to go and have $3.67 left. This is going to be difficult.
67. I wonder what everyone else is like with money? Is it just me? Surely you’re not supposed to have saved that much at 23?
68. Seriously, heaven forbid the day I have a mortgage.
69. I’m on a diet this week – it’s called $2 until Friday.
70. THANK GOD, IT’S PAY DAY.
71. Seriously, this month is going to be different.
72. What a stressful last month that was! I deserve a new handbag.
73. Oh, and don’t worry friends…this one is on me.
74. REPEAT 1 TO 73.